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There's a guy with a Doberman pincher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman pincher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman pincher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed. The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman pincher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell" so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" He says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman pincher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.
The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The guy at the door says, "A Doberman pincher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The guy at the door says, "Come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell" so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
He says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT
There was once a monastery which required a vow of silence, but each year the monks were allowed to say two words to the abbot. A certain monk came to speak to the abbot after his first year. "Food bad," he said. After his second year, he stated, "Bed hard." When his third year came around, he said, "Room cold." Upon his fourth anniversary, he shouted angrily, "I quit," to which the abbot replied, "I'm not surprised. You've been complaining ever since you got here!"
GOING IN FASHION
Mrs. Squiffy decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Squiffy. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will re-marry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
"But you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs. Squiffy. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will re-marry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
TIME SERVED.......
A woman knocked on the Pearly Gates Her face was scarred and old She trembled and she shook with fear She was just about to fold. "What have you done?" St. Peter asked, "...to gain admission here?" "I've been a loyal AOL user, sir, for many, many years." The Pearly Gate swung open wide St. Peter rung the bell "Come in and choose your harp," he said, "you've had your share of hell."
"What have you done?" St. Peter asked, "...to gain admission here?" "I've been a loyal AOL user, sir, for many, many years."
The Pearly Gate swung open wide St. Peter rung the bell "Come in and choose your harp," he said, "you've had your share of hell."
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal (tm): For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me In the presence of Juan Valdez: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the House of Starbuck's forever.
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the government," one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us-me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't > mean that Mike and me can't work."
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the government," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us-me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't > mean that Mike and me can't work."
UNUSUAL SIGNS FROM ENGLAND
1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. 2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs 3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken. 4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. 5. ON A CHURCH DOOR:: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance) 6. OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. 7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. 8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. 9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness. 10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car 11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor. 12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. 13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. 14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work) 15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
The honest seven-year-old who admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?, " gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
"How did that happen?, " gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."